Even Messi Needs A Team To Win

Nina Tripathi had done everything right, her peers said she was a gifted negotiator. Her persuasive skills and business acumen were unparalleled. Yet, with all that and her 100% efforts, her start up "IGN8" wasn't igniting the online education circuit.

She came from a prestigious school with an excellent academic record. She had the constant company of books that made her a loner. Meaningful conversation preceded mindless chatter and her friends were few. Her time was spent with her parents who were highly intellectual.

She got into a top management institution and her dedication and hard work ensured she sailed smoothly through college, internship and placement. She was working towards a top management role and a bright future ahead.

During the alumni meet few years later, she met Amit Gupta again. In college he was a star footballer, charmer and a social magnet. He was a natural leader but barely scrapped through exams and projects. While talking to him, she discovered that his start up was on its way of becoming a fortune 500 company. She thought she would take inspiration and take serious steps towards the idea of online education start up she had been toying around for a while. She was sure of success that now seemed out of her reach.

Sports was something she stayed away from. Never paying attention to PE or Sport more than absolutely necessary since Indian education system does not need you to excel in the extra curricular activities to pass. This eventually meant she never learnt to be a team player. Never learnt to win or lose with a team, stand by a team mate, cheer for others success, console each other and prepare for a stronger strategy to win next time.

Today, watching Argentina, Portugal and Brazil lose in play offs of World Cup made her sit up and notice the flaw. It is heartbreaking to see disappointed Messi, Ronaldo or Neymar standing on the ground after the match. They are exceptional players. They have reached highs for the sport that will be remembered for years to come. What is lacking is the team support. As a team, they do not stand a chance. Even if they had made it to semi finals, they would have struggled to survive the next match with competent opponents. A lesson to learn is that no matter how big a legend you are, no matter how much your personal achievements are, the game is won only when you are a successful team.

Sportsman spirit is an umbrella that covers a range of life skills. Feeling of elation when you win, cheering for a team mate, putting betterment of the team ahead of oneself, playing with other champions and learning a technique or two, every bit of experience makes one a better individual.

Academic pressure for today's generation has over shadowed the importance of playing a sport or learning an art. The importance of completing is so strong that we are neglecting playing for the sheer joy of the sport. Playing is a stress buster that should never be linked to making it to the team or winning a tournament.

When a person thinks of his own goals and achievements, he is an achiever. When  a person does it for others as well, he becomes a leader. As Nina leaves for work Monday morning, the company is in better hands and her colleagues are in for an improved leadership.

Meghan Markle: The Role Model

A Gujrati saying says ' Dikri ne gaay, Dore tya jaay' meaning a daughter and  a cow, follows the line we draw for them. Our teachings and cultural guidance has taught us this and it runs deep in our social DNA. Then came a time when fathers educated their daughters, drawing them away from the line that society had drawn for them to follow along with the cows.

Now these daughters are educated and modern, earn well and even independent, strong willed women capable of supporting their parents and family instead of being 'boj' and marrying in to oblivion.

Women in India today though, are in a constant dilemma. They are educated but not independent decision makers. They are okay with arrange marriage but not serve family over their own self. They want to bear children but not sacrifice a career where they know its a set back to take a break.

All if us could learn more about self from Meghan Markle and her Royal wedding recently. I've seen enough of Suits and The  Crown to know that this was a very less than ordinary journey. For Royal to marry her was surely life changing. Here are some of my observation that may guide every girl as she leads by example.

1. To a teenager :
Watch her video on Facebook about 'P&G Advertisement of 'Pots and Pans'. She acted on the suggestions of her father rather than feeling disturbed and sulking on it. If at the age of 11, you are bothered by such advertisement as I'm sure our daughters would be too, you are set to make your mark in the world. Follow your instincts and act on it.

2. To a young student or career woman :
Watch Suits, for her portrayal of Rachel Zane etched perfectly as a strong and independent woman. From not joining her dad's law firm but working for a competitor yet loving her family unconditionally. From failing to pass the LSATS but being the best paralegal in the top firm. For supporting her love against all odds and developing friendships by seeing the best in people. For tirelessly juggling studies and work. Most importantly, being consistent in her acting throughout Suits. She was just a love interest of the lead in the beginning of the series and became one of the core leads by the end of the sixth season. She's as graceful, charming and attractive in S1E4 as she's in S6E14..

3. To a girl of marriageable age :
She must've thought she found true love and then it ended. Own it and believe that it's not the end of the story. A heartbreak didn't mean she stopped looking. And she found her match in a Prince. It must have been difficult to cope with  their differences in upbringing and cultures. It seems that it's working. Also, Find a man who supports you. Prince Harry must have had a lot of negotiation with regards to family protocol and Meghan as a fiancé. The presence of both ethnicities during the wedding ceremony is the proof that she was welcome to add her own element in to her special day.

4. To a newly married woman :
As I said, all the negotiations must have been difficult. The sermon, choir and instrumental was  Meghan's choice and it was obvious. It was a  shock to most of the aristocracy too.. The Crown has shown enough to gather that all this was far from the traditional approach of the Royals. Also, her father in law walking her down the Isle shows her equation with her future family. She has, on the other hand, deleted all her social media accounts and quit acting. This is the end of life as she has known so far. Right balance is the key. Hold your ground but don't hesitate to compromise and adjust to the new surroundings.

5. To a divorced woman and a single mother :
Meaghan's relationship with her mother is a special one. Their bond is as strong and supportive as it is with any mother and daughter. When hardly any of her family was invited to the wedding, with so much paparazzi n microscopic scrutiny of their family since her engagement, Meghan's mother has been her pillar of strength. If you ever thought how can you raise a child in adversity, her mothers silent pride during the ceremony is your answer.

6. To every woman in general :
‌She's older than most of the ladies looking for marriage, she's been through divorce and struggles in career we can only imagine. Yet, as she walked down that aisle on May 19, I could see in her mind she knows she deserves all of this and much more. There was silent confidence along with nervousness in her walk. It's at moments like this that you know what sets her apart and why Prince Harry is saying "I'm so lucky" to her right at the alter.

7. To the woman who believes in giving back to the society :
I didn't know about her Indian Connection and the work she had done towards menstrual hygiene awareness in India until her saree clad picture was published in Bombay Times. In her own capacity, she has been doing her bit as a responsible citizen of the world. That will now rise with her increased public exposure as a Royal and her duties that come with the title of Duchess of Sussex.

8. To friendship with ex- colleagues :
The entire star cast of Suits attended the wedding. I'm sure it was reasoned that this was a Royalty wedding and the invite doesn't come everyday. But I also believe they were all present to personally wish her joy and happiness on her special day, including our own Priyanka Chopra.

Her journey has only just began as she's getting used to the monumental changes of being under constantly compared to the other Royals for her choice of words and cloths, including her infamous Mother In Law. In sure Princess Di would be proud of her sons and in their choice of spouse. They married commoner for love rather than an aristocrat for status, like hers that was far from happy or successful.

So here's to all moms raising the next generation. Give them the exposure to these remarkable individuals of today who shed their inhibition and brightly shine to a better, equal and more tolerant world. We can only make sure that one day we too take our daughters out from the line with cows and let them stand with our sons. If Royals can do it, so can we.

Life Skills

        I used to be independent, carefree, impulsive and organised. But then I chose to have kids!! Simple tasks luke washing your hair or going shopping or meeting friends need planning when you juggle an eight year old and a three year old!!

You need to schedule feeding meals, napping, washing, bathing and leave a little time for emergency diaper change or tantrum just as you are ready to go!

All this makes you a pro at time management and makes you let go of not-so-important appointments (Dentist, Saloon, Spa!!) but then comes a time when you can’t avoid it anymore (Dentist, Threading, Massage!!) So you need to learn to give yourself a priority once in a while..Get a haircut or a relaxing spa massage or even a date with your husband!! With luck I have managed to successfully Be a mother and Have a life!! Here’s a peek…

Exercise : Every morning I wake up early and sneak out to find some quiet time for Meditation, Yoga or Exercise. I tell you these little beings smell you gone and wake up before you have even beaten the urge to go back to the comforts of the bed.. Soon I realised, the plan does not need to go for a toss!! No!! Take them along, said the voice inside. Sure, she’ll find it amusing to find a seat on your back when you are in a Dhanurasan or make you laugh hard just as you manage a calm Tadasan or Garudasan. But also, the ease with which they bend their bodies will make you wonder if old sages learnt from them and decided to pass on the knowledge to us!!

 

Cleaning : A messy house and a messier cupboard are a routine for all of us. I can make my way through toys and also find that last of clean pair of jeans brom the back of my dresser with ease. But then every once in a while, I wait for the time when the coast is clear (kid is napping) and try to do some cleaning. Well, she inevitably wakes up. Although she tries her best to help me, sometimes we end up with a bigger mess. She has worn my high heels and cat walked in to a spectacular fall, even tried on my scarves and stood in front of the mirror, tripping over and banging her head. I meanwhile, keep calm and count up to a million, waiting for all of it to get boring for her. Then magically, she gets used to the open chamber of secrets and even helps me gather and put away things in the right place.

 

Cooking: Kitchen is an alien place to everyone in the house except me. No one bothers getting into the details of where I store my flour, sugar and salt except my 3 year old!! She’s in love with watching the water flow and fill up my kitchen counter and not her Pooh Glass!! She thoroughly enjoys climbing up to the drawers and trying to get her own snacks. This rush to grow up is thanks to her elder sister who is independent. She fixes her own snack plate and lemonade and so must she!! I mean, let some time pass and I’ll be stress free rather than giving sceptical looks as soon as she innocently walks into my kitchen.

 

Night Strolls: My husband nowadays conveniently has an important “thing” to take care of whenever I mention taking kids along on our night strolls. It’s interesting since all we do is go out and try to come home in one piece with normal heartbeat and blood pressure. We also try to keep my 3 year old on the footpath instead of walking, running and jumping away from us. Also, to make our 8 year old breathe between two sentences as she goes on telling us everything that happened during her day in detail before getting interrupted by either one of us to toe the younger one in line. All in all, we usually end up being twice as stressed and one of us hitting the sack before the kids.

 

I always wonder how our parents managed multiple siblings and remained sane. I mean, I know they must have struggled just as I do. I and my brother used to do all these things and much more that I recall very well. I remember, pre Maggie era when I tried making French fries for both of us when my mom left me in charge once and she being scared of me handling deep frying. I also talked incessantly to anyone and everyone who cared to listen including strangers in train rides. This all must’ve been stressful but I recall them always being there for us. They were hands on parents and I have learned most of my habits by watching and observing them.

 

So I am hoping my kids are also watching, observing and learning. Because it’s very satisfying to know that you are teaching life skills to your little ones in your own small way at a time. So next time you do something and they interrupt, let them. They are learning, in the best possible way.

By giving them a peek into adult life we are sowing seed of these habits and familiarising them with what is coming ten years down the line. So someday, when the bird is ready to spread the wings and leave the nest, all they need is to gather the straw…

Our Kids Don't Have What We Had

We all remember our summer holidays so fondly! Being lost with our neighbourhood friends and our parents never worrying about where we are, have we eaten or how to pass our time.

We all had that one dish that friend's mom made the best. Simple meals had its own pleasure. My mother sometimes fed all my friends who came to play and stayed around. Nobody worried what junk we ate or how much we ate.

We never followed time frame to play, be home, have meals, or sleep. Nobody taught us etiquette on how to behave at friend's house. Table manners, visiting washroom, or talk to their grandparents.. We observed and learned. More importantly nobody was judging.

We did learn how to help mum by fetching things from nearest Kirana shop or how to go out with friends to the nearest park or rent a bike shop.
Moms didn't need to accompany kids everywhere. It was safe, secure and stress free task.

We asked for two rupees in the hot afternoons n enjoyed kulft or gola. Nobody worried about hygiene and sanitation. We learned how to invent games n play by ourselves. We became team players and street smart without a class, coach or camp.. We learned how to lose in games, not hold grudges, more importantly how to let go and move on.

The screen does not teach kids any of this. Very few of our children are exposed to self learning these days. The wonderful innocent childhood is losing to 60 channels on TV, 600 apps on PlayStore and 6000 channels on YouTube.

This vacation lets show them how how to simplify learning. How you don't need mum to stand up for you or comfort you everyday. Lets let them learn Independence. Lets leave them alone so they have a chance at being independent, confident and sure of themselves. Because I strongly believe a parents job is to raise a child in a way that they don't need you anymore.

A Young Mum's Guide To Attend A Wedding

Okay! First things first, I'm not talking about a cousins wedding where chachu, mamu, dadu n nanu swoon over the cutie pie or masi, didi, bua take her away for a zillion selfies.. We are talking about your boss's Son's wedding! (I'm just making sure that I have your undivided attention...)

1. Always have a Plan B : The dress you are planning to wear might be a way for you to show that you are back in your pre pregnancy shape, but your baby doesn't know that mommy is having a Kareena Kapoor Khan moment, and baby food doesn't really go well with the panache.

2. That includes Your Baby's dress too : No matter how much time you spent searching for that cutest outfit for your little one, she's the boss. If one frill or button twitches her, be ready to step into the wedding wearing a spare pair.

3. Don't go empty stomach : Even if the venue is  five star rated and the food is favourite on Times Food Guide. Let's face it, You will not b able to visit all the counters spread with a toddler in tow.

4. Don't feed the baby in car : Anyone living in city will know that unless you are lucky, the amount of time we spend on travelling is almost always more than the time you spend at the wedding. As tempting as it might be, if you decide to feed the baby in car, you're in for a diaper change as soon as you reach. What goes in at your convenience, comes out at your inconvenience!

5. Expect an embarrassing moment onstage : You'd think a cute baby in arm, your picture with the wedding couple will be perfect. You might want to consider the little one deciding to throw a full-fledged tantrum or pulling your hair or saree... Yeah, they have perfect timing!

6. Take help : The girls at the food counter and the cooing colleagues who find her very cute.. This way, you can have a few meaningful conversations you can remember..

As you are heading back home and you're watching her peacefully sleeping in your arms, you realise you wouldn't want it any other way.. Next day everyone filling your phone gallery with the most candid pictures of you two is just cherry on top.

Magnets and Sponges

           I believe there are two kinds of people in your life. Magnets and Sponges.. The ones who inspire you and those you aspire...

           Back in school, one of my friends was an avid reader.. She saw me struggling with English and encouraged me to start reading Enid Blyton and Sherlock Holmes... She was my magnet.

Then there was this girl in my office who got a variety of experimental food she cooked for us to taste n praise.. I used to marvel at her ability to mix ingredients and dish out beautiful cuisines.. She was my magnet too.

Today, this fellow mom just walks up to me and I am in awe of her ability to converse. I have learnt more about body language, pitch, pause, listening and conversational skills from her than any of my classes in college.. She is also my magnet..

Now when I read Sunday Paper editorial start to end n feel that I'm better informed or when I search YouTube for new salad or soup recipe when regular stuff doesn't look very appetising, the credit goes to these incredible women who have inspired me to improve..

If you notice your surroundings, you will find  many such magnets that are way better than you in one way or the other.. All we need to do is be a sponge. Be a sponge and absorb the best of their qualities..

This women's day, promise yourself that next year this time, you will be the 365th better version of yourself .. Because to many many women out there, You are a Magnet.

P. S. You're your own competition.
Rest are all your magnets..
Happy Women's Day.

Your confident smile

On a rare holiday, me n my friend decided to leave our kids n house in charge of our husbands and visit her second home on the outskirts of Mumbai.
We decided to board the same local train from different stations as it was more convenient.. After several checking and rechecking, I reached my platform awaiting the train she had already boarded.. And then I panicked coz the train was not listed on the indicator..
Chill!!! I had to tell myself.. You have read the indicator on the footbridge and it's the same train! You were raised in the times when Ola n Uber were not on the doorstep service n public transport was a routine.. Things have changed. Its been 12 years since and now I am a homemaker with several bags and two kids in tow wherever I go.
So after working up several commuters and asking my friend to look out for me, I boarded the approaching train and breathe easy to find that I was not all that rusty.

So this message is for all of you who are able to manage a four course meal in a jiffy but struggling to finish their secondary kids school project, for the girl who excels at work but dreads the marriage that expects her to manage the kitchen and house from day one, for the working parent who manages to reach home for dinner and misses out on the playtime..

We all are struggling, we all are rusty, we all are wanting for more time for ourselves..
The fact remains,  Our lives change ten fold every decade or so.. We are the supremely adaptable beings of nature who nurture everything and everyone around us. The best thing that will get you through today is the smile and confidence in yourself....